Thursday, June 26, 2008

Good Lies?

Is there anything such as good lies? Or, rather... we usually refer to it as "Lies with good intentions..."

As my little Arthur grows, I find that it is really impossible to be 'guarding' him all the time from how others wish to "teach/discipline" my boy. Myself included, it is just not easy disciplining a toddler who are trying all sorts as he grows with the world...

My Mom, for one, will be telling him, with good intentions, that if he continues to be naughty, she will "CANE" him. No.. she's not that abusive. It's just the use of the particular phrase to scare Arthur off being naughty. We don't even have a cane at home.

Dear hubby (and many others), on the other hand, will be lying to Arthur, with good intentions, that Arthur cannot drink the ice cold drink (for he's down with flu) because it is "SPICY" ... now, can a drink really be spicy?

Often, in our busy and hectic life, we try to find fast solutions to a problem... Instead of explaining to them it is rude to be hitting people, we tell them that if they do it, they will be beaten... Instead of taking the time to explain to them that they cannot have the cold drink we are having when they are down with the flu, we try to find a quick solution to make them stay away from it... Spicy drink... fast does not usually translate to be the best, if you know what I mean.

When you look at it closer, a lot of our methods of disciplining is to scare our little ones of certain actions by them. I must admit that I do that, too... on the days when it is just so hard to control myself. Still, I hold on to the believe that if I remind myself enough, I shall be able to control myself better over time. Patience, patience...

Going back to lies... Lies, with the best intentions (for the good of your little one), is still a ... LIE. Personally, no matter how you tell it, when your little one finds out that the cane is never there.... that the drink is not spicy... they will learn that we are lying and the worst part of it all.... that IT IS OK TO LIE. At the early age, they won't really know the difference between good lies and bad lies, do they.... Still, in my opinion, a LIE is a LIE!

Just as beating/caning your little one as punishment... you are, in a way, telling them it is ok to do so, too... Ok, you might not have shown this action in front of them and they are already hitting their siblings/ other children... or, even you... then thing is, if we start doing it to them, we are agreeing to their actions, too.

So, think before you lay out a "GOOD LIE".

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