Attachment Parenting - Are we afraid of our babies?

Well, there I was, a new mother, confused.. very confused indeed on which advises to follow and which not to follow... I'm not sure if this is just the Malaysian culture or if it's just people around me or even if it happens around the globe but people just cannot hold their comments/advises back when they see you with a baby.. it's alright for them to advise but it's a totally different issue when they expect you to follow them.

One of the biggest issue that keeps coming up as the best-way-to-bring-up-your-child seems to be training the little one, from newborn, to be 'detached' (as opposed to attach) from me. WHAT??! Well, they say that only then will they be independent sooner... only then I'll get my life back... only then will they be well behaved... etc. etc... Some even advised against breastfeeding as they said it will result in a 'sticky' (i.e. attached) baby.

Huh?? My thought then was like "So fast??" I am just going through the reality of losing the bump and they are saying my baby shall be trained to be away from me??

Really, even up til now, I cannot bear the thought of Arthur choosing someone over me (though, I'm sure that will happen someday). So, I am the 'sticky' one here, not my little one.

I just wasn't sure... will it really mean he will be more independent? Will it really give him more confidence?... NO!!!

Luckily (or not.. I know I should have read up more on attachment parenting and research more on CDs), I have brushed up a lot on breastfeeding while I was pregnant and I just wasn't going to give up on it at all. I know and believe nothing could be better for my baby. It was my determination in my breastfeeding journey that kept me going and later, as I returned to work and was fit to start browsing the Internet and reading again did I read up more and more on attachment parenting and what it really means.

Initially, I would, upon being advised, try my best to get Arthur to sleep by his own in the cot... imagining it now, how cold and lonely that must have felt... Now, he gets a choice on where he wants to sleep... with us, or not...

Initially, I would worry about my little one not being comfortable in a sling.. too hot... too crushed.. (again, family's advise agaisnt what I briefly read...)... Now, I don't go anywhere with Arthur without the sling... even my DH, who once believed in getting a hi-tech carrier (expensive, too)... realises that inside the sling is where our baby will feel the safest.. just like he was in me... close to me... hearing my heartbeat... feeling my warmth...

Initially, family and relatives and friends... they have advised in training our baby from young... from birth, to be exact... that we should not respond to his cries so often... NO... how could you leave him crying and not bother? I don't know... it was really hard and hubby and I just didn't believe in them (those around us) anymore... we just read and kept reading.. even til today, our parenting values are mostly based on our own research rather than advises... Tiny babies just try to communicate... you won't spoil them by responding to their needs... maybe around 6 months you can try to train them.. then again, every baby is different and believe me, you'll know when the baby tries to manipulate you... it is only then shall you try to start 'training' them that crying is not a means of getting anything their heart desire.

In a way, I am glad that we are living far from both our families (my hubby's and mine) not as only then can we have everything 'our way'... according to our many reads and researched, rather than differing advises from everyone around us. Then again, we do still get confirmation on certain issues with our parents/grandparents as they have their rich experiences to share.

All I can say is, when they are far away.. they can only share and it's up to us to follow.. if we are near them... we are somehow forced to follow... get me? Not trying to discriminate or anything but that's just the way we prefer things to be at the moment... much less confusing, in a way, as we go on the route of getting our own experience as parents.

In more than one way, throughout my journey into parenthood, I am glad that my hubby has been supportive... not only encouraging me to try out what I research and read about but join me in reading up and researching on parenting issues, too.

Read more on attachment parenting from Dr Sears here.

Roving Eyes + Itchy Hands = New CDs!

No, not Compact Discs but Cloth Diapers, my friends... Have I told you they could be addictive?

Yes, yes... just cannot stop roving around and looking at CDs. With more than 15 CDs for Arthur now, I am not sure I qualify to be a CD addict. Anyway, still looking around for more... as though am trying hard to trigger DH's big, rolling eyes..
Here's the latest addition to Arthur's stash from Brenda

Ella's House in paw prints... the prints actually belong inside! Anyway, it is really soft...
Bella bottoms.. Been wanting to get these for Arthur ever since Brenda first had them.. then, there were only prints for 'Bellas' (girls)... glad to try it out.. feels thin.. wonder if it will hold as much as other.

So, yes... beware of roving eyes... maybe I shouldn't be 'roving' so much now... then again.. those rainy days forced me to use disposables on Arthur sometimes.. I still but those trial packs (2 in each) for the just-in-case they CDs did not dry though I hate having to take them out... Now, isn't that a good reason to be roving around for more diapers?? And, I just read a blog about trimmer versions available... Yes, I have been wanting so much to get trimmer versions... never ending search begins... hahaha

For all you CD lovers... I am working on a review of the CDs I have :)

Infant carriers and spinal stress

Came across this very interesting and meaningful article on the effect of baby carriers as I was researching for information on baby carriers (before Peekaroobaby is conceived)... tried hard to find it again to be posted here... Hope this helps in choosing the right carrier for your child =)

"As we are finally realizing the benefits of "wearing" our infants while we perform our daily activities, we must be careful not to compromise the integrity of our child's spine through the use of improper carriers. Spondylolisthesis (specifically, Type II/isthmic) is a condition that can result from excessive stress in the low back, such as a baby's spine might experience in certain carriers on the market today. It is relatively uncommon, but when aggravated is extremely painful. This article explains which styles of baby carriers promote healthy spine development in an infant and describes the unnecessary stress and resulting spinal condition that can result from using certain carriers.


A healthy adult spine has four curves when viewed from the side, located in the neck (cervical spine), mid-back (thoracic), low back (lumbar) and base of the spine (sacrum). Upon entering the world, a newborn has only two curves in her spine: the mid-back and the base of the spine. These two curves are called the primary or kyphotic curves. They have an apex or "hump" at the back of the body. The curves in the neck and low back develop later and are termed secondary or lordotic curves. The curve in the cervical spine develops as the child begins to lift his head and the neck muscles are strengthened. The curve in the lumbar spine results as the child starts to crawl. The lordotic curves have an apex at the front of the body. These four curves — two primary and two secondary — are extremely important in the spine (both adult and child), for this is how the body handles the stress of gravity. If these curves do not exist, the body's center of balance is shifted, causing undue stress on the spinal column and spinal cord.


A baby's spine is placed in a compromising position in many of today's popular carriers. If the carrier positions the infant upright, with the legs hanging down and the bodyweight supported at the base of the baby's spine (i.e. at the crotch), it puts undue stress on the spine which can adversely affect the development of the spinal curves and, in some cases, cause spondylolisthesis.


Spondylolisthesis is defined as the forward slipping of a vertebra on the one below it. The degrees of severity are determined using the Meyerding grading scale, with grade 1 being the least amount of slippage and grade 5 being complete slippage off the vertebra below. This condition may have a related stress fracture at the pars interarticularis, a structure at the back of the vertebra that takes most of the stress inflicted on the spine when it is arched backwards. When present, a spondylolisthesis occurs at the fifth lumbar vertebra 90% of the time and at the fourth lumbar vertebra 9% of the time.


Spondylolisthesis is documented in approximately 5% of white males, but is prevalent in native Eskimos (as high as 60% of the population is affected). There has been much discussion on the high percentage of affected Eskimos as to whether it is a genetic predisposition or related to environmental factors (i.e., papoose carriers). Knowing how dynamic and vital the biomechanics of the spine are, I believe that environmental factors are the cause. If the trend continues in the U.S. to carry infants in carriers (or place them in walkers, jumpers, etc.) that place their spines in a weight bearing position before the spine is developmentally ready to do so, I believe we will see an increase in the incidence of spondylolisthesis.
Spondylolisthesis has been referred to as congenital anomalies of the spine, but there is no supporting embryological evidence for this assumption.1 There are factors that predispose a person to this condition, such as weakness in the posterior structures of the vertebra, failure of muscles and ligaments to absorb forces, anomalies of the lubosacral spine, and activities that place high stress on the posterior structures of the spine. Little is known about spondylolisthesis. More research needs to be done specifically addressing the weight bearing position of some carriers. In the meantime, we can take preventative steps by choosing alternate carriers, both for ourselves and as gifts for others.

What I have found to be the ideal carrier is the sling. There are many variations of the sling, but one should look for the following in any type of carrier:

1. Before an infant can hold her head on her own, the carrier should support the neck. A sling cradles the infant just like your arms would, unlike vertical carriers which can actually allow a whiplash type injury.
2. The carrier should not place the infant's spine in a weight bearing position too early. (The young baby should be horizontal or inclined, with the spine supported along its length.)
3. When a baby wants to be more upright to see the world around him (usually around age 4 to 5 months), the carrier should allow him to sit cross-legged, so his weight is dissipated through his legs and hips, as opposed to the style that has the legs hanging down, where the young spine has to bear the entire weight.

When considering the purchase of a baby carrier, you can often just ask yourself if you would be comfortable in it. Would you feel like you were in a hammock (a sling), or in a parachute harness, with your legs hanging down? Laying in a hammock is better for all of us.

Other benefits of sling type carriers include easy accessibility to breastfeeding, ability to wear baby facing toward or away from wearer, ability to wear sling on back, front or side.

You may be wondering, "What about backpacks? Are they bad? At what age or stage of development is it okay to carry a child in a backpack? What should you look for when buying one?" Wait until your child can sit alone well before carrying him in a backpack. The seat of the backpack should support the child's entire bottom — not just between the legs, leaving the legs to dangle. One that has a foot rest is preferred.

The choice of infant carriers is a small thing when compared to all the other concerns that face parents, but it is a decision that can have lifelong effects. By choosing a sling type carrier for your baby, you may be preventing a lifetime of backaches and other spinal stresses.

Rochelle and Scott Casses own a chiropractic clinic in Carslisle, Pennsylvania, USA. Their 11-month-old son Palmer has accompanied them to work since he was born. Rochelle and Scott schedule their appointments so that while one of them is with a patient, the other handles reception duties and cares for Palmer. Rochelle says, "The patients really enjoy seeing Palmer, and he enjoys the interaction each day." A section of their office serves as a playroom for Palmer as he becomes more mobile. (1996)

REFERENCES
Hensinger, R. N.; Spondylolysis and Spondylolisthesis in Children and Adolescents; Journal of Bone and Joint Surgery, August 1989 71A: 1098-1107
Shahriaae, H.; A Family with Spondylolisthesis; Journal of Bone and Joint Surgery, December 1979 61A: 1256-1258
Tower S. S. and Pratt W.; Spondylolysis and Associated Spondylolisthesis in Eskimo and Athabascan Populations; Clinical Orthopedics, January 1990
Wiltse, Leon; Fatigue Fracture: The Basic Lesion in Isthmic Spondylolisthesis; Journal of Bone and Joint Surgery, January 1975 57A: 17-22
This article was originally written for The Continuum Concept Letter (now defunct)..."

Old Fashioned ways of doing things...

In my little brother's attempt to promote the baby sling for me (Thanks to him ;)), some of the comments he's got is "What? You want me to use that old fashioned way to carry my baby??!" Well, old fashioned it may be but it works. That particular exclamation sparked many thoughts.

In this 'new world' of ours, 'old fahioned' ways seem to be more and more important... especially when we think of them in the parenting world...

Discussing them in the topics I am passionate about... babywearing, breasfeeding and cloth diapering...

Babywearing... Having your baby close to you just feels right. Wearing your baby makes life so much easier. I did my laundry with Arthur in the pouch. Babywearing was a lifesaver on the days he was sick and clingy. Especially with the kind of news we hear about kidnapped children.. I feel much better bringing Arthur out in the sling... sure, he'll have those times when he is let out of the sling to run around.. but it sure is good to have him back in the sling when I am exhausted from chasing after him. For this peace of mind and closeness with my baby, I wouldn't mind being term old-fashioned at all.. And, did I tell you that some actually commented that the Peek-a-pouch is trendy?

Breastfeeding... Well, well, well... I am sure that you'd already known that for as long as we (humans) exist, breastfeeding has been practised. Simply put, why would you think that the biggest labels you could read on the tins and packaging on the baby formula reads "BREAST MILK IS THE BEST FOR YOUR INFANT". Need I say more?

Cloth Diapering... Just as breastfeeding, why would you think that those disposable diapers promotes themselves as being "CLOTH LIKE". Also, those wipes, too...

Really, give those a thought and you will be surprised how many other things are best when they are back to basics... just as your toddler's food... would you put in those 'new found' ingredients such as flavouring and preservatives? Think about it... for me, old fashioned or not.. as long as it works!

The Discovery of Wipes Containers

As with all Peekaroobaby products, the Peek-a-Wipes Case has its own story to tell. Ever since I began using the flannel wipes as, well, baby wipes (to wipe my little one's bum bum), I have been searching for a way to bring them out, pre-wet. Then, I did not know about the use of wet bags. Nor did I have the idea to put them in a plastic container or a zip lock plastic bag. Yes.. all these works as well.

On discussion with Sandra from MiaBambina, her advise was to bring a little sprayer of solution to wet the wipes before use... this worked well, too. Still, I'd prefer to bring them out pre-wet, just like any wet tissues... for the sake of convenience.

So, I did a little research on reusable wipes and came across so many variety available.. the flannel ones, the fleece ones, the terry ones, the hemp ones..., not forgetting to mention the possible homemade wipes solutions to use... it was then that I realised most of the wipes sold all over the world states that ".. it will fit the standard size travel wipes case"... I began scratching my head... the 'standard size travel wipes case' here in Malaysia seems to be the aluminium foiled ones... small and not really reusable... if you know what I am talking about (the ones from Anakku etc.)... then, more research revealed that most of them from overseas uses the Huggies brand wet wipes! There you go! So, it's the Huggies brand wet wipes case they are talking about.

Next thing I know, I went Huggies brand wet wipes-hunting. Bingo! Got them from Carrefour.. yes, you may get them from there, too. They come with 16 cute and, I would say, unique wipes. These cases can be refilled and will fit around 6 double sided flannel wipes (i.e. Peek-a-Wipes) or around 3 to 4 flannel/sherpa or flannel/terry wipes.

Initially, I just used the case as is... just another plastic case. Then, with more research, I realise that the case can be decorated to look nice =). Now, wouldn't that be great? Just makes that diaper changing routine a bit more tempting ;) and shall I say, a bit less unattractive..

That's the story behind the hand decorated Peek-a-Wipes Case. Just a trendy and practical necessity to bring around. Don't be surprised, though... you might even be tempted to steal it away from the diaper bag just for your personal use... to keep your make up brushes, to keep your nick knacks, to keep your cards etc. etc.. the possibilities are just endless.